Since I breastfed Buba for a whole year with ease, I naturally thought I would do the same with Missy Moo. I was mistaken, she seems to have other plans of her own. From the very beginning she has been a difficult baby to breastfeed. She has struggled with latching, biting, pulling, arching her back, clicking her tongue, and her latest diva demand, standing to feed her.
I blame myself for the latter one. I created this bad habit that is now impossible to break. When she was a newborn I continued to run around after Buba while feeding her. Whether I was making his lunch while feeding her or playing ball with him, I was constantly feeding her on the go. As she gains more baby chub she is getting nearly impossible to stand and feed. I am starting to get back aches and shoulder issues. I have tried the tough love and after 30 minutes of sitting there with her either screaming or biting, I stand up just to get her to calm down and feed. I was not prepared for all of this.
Second on the list of the unexpected, I keep getting mastitis. I have to be the unluckiest breastfeeder ever. Each time the fevers get worse, the engorgement gets more painful and getting through it is a long extreme process of feeding and expressing. I tell myself every time I get mastitis I will wean her off but I just can’t bring myself to do it. It’s too hard, it’s too emotional.
After the latest mastitis stint I was so sick all I could do was lay on the floor next to her on her playmat. I was forced to call for back up help which I never do. Thank god for my mother-in-law. While I fed Missy Moo I was dizzy and my temperature was soaring close to 103. She wasn’t happy as usual because I couldn’t stand. To make matters worse I felt this burning stinging pain in my right boob, I look down and there is blood dripping down both her cheeks from biting me. That’s when I knew I had to make a decision, it’s not worth it to not be healthy enough to take care of my own children and this pain. Was I being stupid for trying so hard to breastfeed?
Just when I was getting to terms with possibly swapping a few feeds with a bottle she decided she no longer will take a bottle. We were baffled. She usually took a bottle without a hiccup. So I played around with the bottle a bit and figured out if I held her in the sitting position on the edge of my knee, she would gulp the entire bottle easily. She did not want to be snuggled while being fed like most babies. The ups and downs of feeding this small beauty has been a huge challenge. I torment myself between weaning her or not weaning her but breastfeeding is not getting any easier as I keep trying to tell myself it will and she is 23 weeks now. It’s a challenging time with Missy Moo and her diva demands.
(her preferred, bizarre feeding position)