My dear little boy, or that’s what they have told me you are, I am ever so full of emotions as I prepare for your “birth” day. Your due date is looming soon, although I don’t think you will be coming anywhere near it. Right, from the start I have had this feeling you will choose your own date to arrive not a date that the dial tells you to come.
You have already been so good to me throughout my pregnancy. No sickness, no uncomfortableness, or tiredness. You have played during the day, kicking and poking around but come nighttime you are calm and sound, giving Mommy that much needed sleep. It’s weird to say Mommy, as I am yet to be one. You are my first born, you will teach me as much as I will teach you, right from the start.
I will admit, I am nervous and scared. Not for the birth, as most expected first parents-to-be are, but I am nervous and scared for what lies far ahead of that. This world is cruel and mean, and I already have so much love and protective feelings towards you, how will I keep it all at bay. How will I raise you to be this great asset to the world and shelter you from the horrors of it at the same time? How will I teach you wrong from right and make sure you choose right? Scary thought is I know I can only do my best and that might not be enough!
I often lay here at night thinking what kind of mother I will be. I have a notion what I want to be, but I know as soon as you are placed in my arms, everything will change. I will change. I have watched numerous siblings give birth and have seen this change along with my friends all becoming parents. I am ready for it, I know it will come, I just wonder what it will change in me?
For some reason, I am calm about giving birth. I think knowing Grandma had Uncle R and Mommy so fast it gives me hope that it will be the same for me. At the end of the day, I keep telling myself, it doesn’t matter, whatever it takes to get you in my arms.
I have your room ready for you, even though I know it will be a while before you are in it. I have decorated it with Sailboats. I hope you like them. Mommy is a little obsessed with navy and white stripes. I blame the Yankees. (baseball not Americans).
My bags are packed for the hospital, your car seat is in the car and ready. The house we just moved into a few weeks ago is as good as it’s going to get, ready to bring you home to. I am so excited, in the end, that we moved. This is our home now, the home me and your Daddy got together. Bring you home to it will make it a perfect home. A home where we all can make first memories together as a family. No one else has lived here, just us. We will be the first to fill it with laughter, and the first to fill it with tears. I cannot wait to fill these blank walls with pictures of your smile.
We had a 3D scan quite early as Mommy was eager to get to know if you were a boy or a girl. But even now, I have this vision of what you will look like. There is still a wonder will you get Daddy’s dark hair and Mommy’s great blue eyes but either way you will look like you. This, I am most excited to see, so very soon.
Not knowing what lies ahead, I am ever so eager for you to get here. But take your time little buddy, as long as you need, I know in my heart there are many great things to come for us as a family. Thank you for taking care of Mommy while she in turn takes care of you. I have enjoyed carrying you around for the past nine months and at each moment getting closer to meeting you. I hope that I will be a great Mommy for you, and give you what you need in life. I know I will love you more than I do right now, if that is even possible. I sit here, staring down at my belly, staring down at you, and I know you already know all this.
I wrote this a week before my due date with Buba, not knowing what was to come, and what kind of parent I would be. It has been an amazing journey, one I don’t want to ever forget so I flashback today, and share it all with you.