This article isn’t likely to fix everything that may be wrong between you and your kids, but if we can focus on a few key areas of your relationship, you may benefit. We are looking at some parts of people’s lives where they tend to have conflict between them and their children. By addressing some of the issues, it can help to improve the overall relationship.
Screen Time
We are including all kinds of screen time in here, from video games and television to tablets and phones. What happens in many households is that the parents allow the kids to use screens for a while to make the kids happy and to keep them occupied and then get frustrated because the kids are using screens too much. Does that sound familiar?
It helps to set realistic and concrete time limits. If you change the screen time limits from day to day and are not consistent, you will have conflict. If you don’t let your kids use screens long enough to do their schoolwork, they will be frustrated.
So, you have to figure out what kind of screen time to limit and make sure your kids know what that limit is. One example of how to do this would be that you allow them unlimited time for screens when it involves schoolwork (but monitor them) and then set a one-hour limit each day for entertainment on the screens. This is just an example, but it gives you an idea of how the system might work. If you simply yell at your kids that they have enough screen time when you didn’t give them an idea of how much they are allowed to have, you will have fights.
Cleaning
Do you see your kids leaving their room messy quite often and feel like shouting at them about it? This one can be really frustrating for parents since they think that kids should want to have clean rooms. Most kids don’t care, though. Even if they have to step over piles of stuff to use their room, it probably won’t bother them. So, you may have to motivate them to clean with something other than the threat of a dirty room.
It will help if you attach room cleaning to rewards or privileges. For instance, you can tell your kids that they cannot watch TV or use their phones if their room is dirty. You can also tie their allowance to that, if you give them an allowance. Tell them that they get no allowance if they have dirty rooms.
You can also give them a break and hire Boston’s best house cleaning to tidy up their rooms for them if they do their chores faithfully or get good grades. Your kids will love the idea that they don’t have to clean their own rooms once a month or however often you want to hire cleaners.
Eating Food
Now, almost all parents have been at the dinner table stand-off where their kid does not want to eat food but the parents want them to. It’s usually vegetables that the kids give problems to eat, but there are other foods that they will refuse to consume, and every kid is different. If you want to avoid problems with your kids when it comes to eating food they don’t like, then there are a few tactics you can try.
First of all, we recommend telling them to eat some of their vegetables (or other unpleasant food for them) before they eat anything else on their plate. This can get them started off on the right foot and keep them from eating the veggies last.
You can also tell them that there will be no dessert until they eat all of their food, veggies included. That is usually a good motivator to get them to finish their food. There may be other things you can attach to finishing their food, like screen time.
Another tactic is to tell them to eat a bite of veggies in between every bite of other food. That way, they will finish it quickly. We would urge you to keep in mind that kids tend to be resistant to eating foods they don’t like and you will want to be patient and understanding with them. Try to keep their veggie portions very reasonable or even let them serve out their own veggies. You can also ensure that there are vegetables they like in the meal every so often.
Friends
As kids get into their teen years, they may want to have friends that you may not approve of. When they are younger, it is easier to get them to remove friends from their life that you don’t think are good for them, but as they get older, they will want to make more of their own choices and will want to have some freedom.
It will greatly help if you can explain to them why you think someone would not be a good friend for them. If you give them no explanation, then they will be frustrated and may grow angry at you. Let them know why you think this person could be a bad influence on them or could make life miserable for them.
You should also respect your kid’s judgement to some extent. If you raised your child right and you generally think they make good choices, you may not want to make them drop friends. Instead, you could say why you think the person would be a bad friend and just tell your child to be careful. Let them know you are proud of them and that you believe they will make the right choice but that they may not be aware of all the dangers that you see.
With these methods, you should be able to avoid some of the fighting and frustration that tends to occur with kids and their parents. There will be many instances where your relationship can be strained, but it doesn’t have to happen often.
