Following the 2004 American science fiction film, The Stepford Wives, I was quickly labelled the “Stepford Wife” by all my closest friends. At first it was a joke where they light heartedly teased me about my cooking, and cleaning tactics at 18 years old. Over the years of being married it has become apparent to me, I am in fact the true Stepford wife, not on purpose but that’s just who I have become. I am not here to toot my own horn but really isn’t that what blogs are, writers tooting their own horn in various forms? I became a Stepford wife without even realizing it. Could it be too late to change my ways? I think so.
It all started with the pleasing game. Many like to be people pleasers and I was the biggest one of all. My Type A personality didn’t help the situation either. My first boyfriend was older than I was so I had to impress. The only way I knew how to impress was try to be the best girlfriend ever even if that meant being a doormat. When he told me he didn’t believe in presents for holidays I went along with it. Only to find out he just didn’t want to spend money on me because he was going to dump me the moment the holidays were over. I was young, naïve, and an over achiever. When I found out what he was going to do, I went out and bought him the biggest best presents I could think of and decorated his locker with Christmas wrapping paper. It was high school and what better way to get revenge than make everyone know how great a girlfriend I was and what a smuck he would be to dump me. It worked too he may have casted me aside but I came out with my head held high knowing it was his lost not mine. My momma always taught me to kill with kindest. Its the sweetest revenge.
I would love to say being a doormat stopped there but the people pleaser inside me started to evolve into this perfectionist personality. Two things that don’t mix in the realm of relationships especially if its one sided. My next two relationships became more serious, as a young adult I moved in with my college boyfriend. I think this is where my true Stepford wife ways blossomed. I had to have the house perfect at all times, what if a friend came over and it was messy. Let’s face it men are messy to live with, well most of them and it was a reflection of me if it wasn’t clean; I was raised by the loving 50’s parenting tactics. When my friends started noticing that I would make sure I was home to make dinner and talked about having laundry to fold and ironing to do they laughed me. I was a 55 year old stuck in a 22 year old body. I was supposed to be wanting to party and stay out late. I never had been that way and never will be. I think some of us are just born old at heart.
It came to my wedding day, and my bridesmaids were all jokingly reminiscing on my Stepford wife past and wondered what kind of real housewife would I become? I hate to break it to them all but I am exactly if not worse of a robot, striving for perfection, housewife than they anticipated. In my young adult life I have taken the Type A personality, perfectionist, people pleasing, OCD to the highest level and I am okay with that. What’s wrong with trying to make everyone happy as long as, in return, that makes me happy.
Everyone is different. I don’t believe everyone has to get married, or have children. What ever your choice is in life as long as it makes you happy and you live your life to its fullest potential is what matters because we only get only chance. My stepford wife ways make me happy, and only being 29 years old, I have a lot of ways to become an even bigger Stepford wife! My friend, Rachel would be cringing at this blog but so proud therefore I dedicate it to her, the one who first labelled me, “a stepford wife.”
My house is a show home always has been, always will be I know this makes some uncomfortable but everything must have a place. My kids are extreme well fed, they eat organic homemade food, not allowed any sugar, candy, pop, or fast food. (some of this is due to deadly allergies) the rest because they have enough time when they are older to ruin their health. Dinner will always be at the table at 5 o’clock, together. Some may brand me old fashion which would only make my Daddy proud, but I love to see the smiles on my husband’s and childrens’ faces when I have done something for them. The movie may have revolved around robots but I bet in many of us there is a robot.
My Stepford wife motto: “Always do the small things when you can so that when everyone is home there is more quality time spent together.” What’s the point of arguing who does more and when. If every family member lives by this motto then everyone is doing their part and there is more time left over to spend together. Isn’t that what family is all about?
Thank you for this article, I really enjoyed reading it and can relate so much to being a stepfordwife. Before getting pregnant with my second child my house was spotless, everything organized and meals made from scratch. My sweet baby is now 6 months old and I still have trouble keeping the house in order (he likes being held a lot). Any advice?
Baby wearing so you can get things done and he can still catch his zzzz’s. My kids loved being in their baby carriers and it freed my hands up to get things done.
This was a WONDERFUL read and exactly what I was looking for. I think those like are a rare existence. I’m about to be 20, and not feeling in the right age group for Stepford wife ways, OCD, Type A personality… it all really resonates with me!
Glad I am not the only one. I was never a partier than or now and I love family life. Nothing wrong with that darling.
I am a married working mother of three and enjoyed reading your blog! I too enjoy organizing maintaining and cleaning my home and taking care of my family. Unfortunately I am having to work full time but still strive to be the best wife and mother and homemaker I can be! I have always been very attracted to the fifties cultural ways and have really enjoying seeing that the dress styles are making a come back !! I wear my aprons in the home cook and clean and tend to my husband very devotedly. I have never heard of the term “Stepford wife” until yesterday haha! I find I have found a community where I really fit it lols!!