B, my little first born baby, I have talked a lot about how grown up you have been since starting school in September. I am so proud of how great you are doing in school and still loving it. I seem to look onto the future too much and have been reflecting back lately on your last four and half years. I watched you playing with the bubbles in your bath the other night and realized you are still little. You are still my little sweet first born. Four and half isn’t that big and yet I treat and expect so much of you for that I have to apologize. You had to grow up so fast when your sister was born and yet you were still very much a baby yourself. From then I just expected you to act older, be the more sensible one, and put more demands on you that I probably shouldn’t. In hind sight it didn’t do you any harm you are very independent and most days so easy. I think when your emotions get the better of you I am not always the best at dealing with it because I don’t realize until moments like this you are still so young. You are still so innocent. I feel guilty that I don’t think this when I am in the moment of frustration with you. I am vowing to be more understanding and explain myself better on why you need to do something or why I telling you off. I cherish the times I get a glimpse of you looking younger than you are and it makes me want to scoop you up and tell you how much I truly love you!
MM, my little first born daughter, you are going through potty training now. This week was your first week of wearing big girl panties, Minnie Mouse to be precise. You have done amazing at nursery so I have been told with only one accident. We have had a few hiccups at home but you did number two in the potty before number one. I can’t even believe I am writing about your bodily functions but hey that’s being a mother. Potty training isn’t my favorite stage as I fear my parenting tactics are lacking as is my patience. It’s hard being a busy working mommy and chasing you around with a potty and making sure you aren’t peeing on my sofa. But I have faith you will get it quick and we can be rid of diapers for good in this house. You have been struggle at nighttime for the first time ever. We don’t know if it’s nightmares or just scared of the dark or both. You all the sudden scream, shout and shake in the middle of the night which frightens me to death as I run to your aid. Then you point blank refuse to go back to sleep. After having no sleepless nights not even when you were a newborn and two and half years of blissful zzzz’s I don’t know what to do with this. It’s baffled me. I hope you are ok. I hope it’s a new changes in your life adjustment as we have a lot going on I know. Either way, I hope I am here for you like you need me to be and that we will get through this and potty training together as a happy team.