This time four years ago, I was holding this little bundle of joy. A new addition to our growing family came home with me from the hospital and right away I learned how amazing it feels to see the love between siblings. I knew I was getting another baby to love and cherish in life but I didn’t realize just how mesmerizing it would be watching her and her brother love each other as well. It was as much a gift in life to him as it was us.
Our family dynamics slotted in perfectly. I didn’t a lot of time in between having B and having MM so there wasn’t a whole lot of routines or schedules to accommodate to her needs. I actually find it hard remembering those days in between having him and having her. I wasn’t blogging then and it’s sad that I don’t have any way to look back and recall what it was like with just one child apart from a few photos. In my six years of parenting in total, most of my memories have them both in it.
She was the sweetest, cuddliest baby I had ever known. Not that B was ever a tough baby, he wasn’t at all. But she was so good that for the first 12 months of her life she was labeled “my handbag” by so many. She was quiet, she was calm and she was a sleeper too. All the things I worried about having two, didn’t happen, I got lucky for sure. Even up until she was two years old she was just B’s little shadow. She did everything with him, for him, next to him, and like him. He started reception when she was three and she finally found her voice.
She knew what she liked not what her brother told her to like. She decided what she wanted to eat for a snack or lunch. It was time for just her and I to bond and get to know each other, one on one. We have made this last year before she starts school in September so special. I did the same with B before he started. I tried to make every unplanned day, one that was fun, quality time together, unique, different and adventurous. While most people don’t remember when they were four years old, I know that they had the time of their lives growing up. I can show them this blog and photos and videos of all the amazing thing that they learned from and experienced together.
It seems like these past four years have gone even faster than her brother turning four years old. Somehow not knowing she was my last baby until recently it’s made this last few baby milestones harder for me to let go. I have to let her grow up whether I like it or not but that doesn’t make it any easier. Her naps are slowing coming to an end which to me seems like the ultimate last baby phase. I want her to stay little for as long as I can because I don’t really remember what it’s like to not having babies at home with me. I will miss her laughter, her silly faces, her attitude, her love for WOWbutter sandwiches and us dancing around the kitchen while we make lunch together during the week. I will miss running her to all these baby groups where we do music, gymnastics, spanish, swimming, sign language and everything in between. Our weekly playdates with friends so that mommy can catch up with them as much as she does with her friends at the same time. My routine will never be the same.
In it’s place, a new routine will form. I know that. A routine that so many say comes quickly and settles in. It’s almost like denial makes me think that won’t be me. It will be. I will work normal hours instead of hours after the kids go to bed and I will have nights to watch tv instead of endless work emails to catch up on because my days will be free.
It’s awful to say I didn’t cry when my eldest started school because I knew it was time for me and MM to have together. It’s different this time. It means it’s just me at home. I am not a person that likes being alone either so it’s not a nice feeling to get used to if I am honest. Just seeing her preschool graduation photos, I started crying. I know! I actually shocked myself there to be honest because it was in front of the entire nursery staff. Ooops. She looked too grown up with her curls falling over her shoulders and her cap and gown on. It caught me by surprise.
^ Our silly girl trying to skip with it like skipping rope ^
Oh but the positive side to all this growing up is that she has made the last four years of my life, her Daddy’s life, and her brother’s life so enriched! She has warmed us with her giggles and her cuddles. She has made places that are boring like a doctor’s appointment moments full of a silly joke, or a funny made up game. Like her mother, she is a true positive little being. She doesn’t like to see others sad or hurt or she is sad and hurt for them. Her heart is on her sleeve for the whole world to see it. She is a climber, a curious being and the biggest explorer of the family, outdoors by far. Most of all though she has changed my world for the better having her in it. I have cherished every minute even the tantrums and hard times over the last four years with this beautiful little girl.
Her brother loves her with all his might as much as I do as much as Daddy does and we look forward to making family memories ahead of us all too. This summer we are making the most of our family of four in America before she truly becomes a big kid at school. No more strollers, no more diapers, no more naps, because there are no more babies here.