Last updated on November 19th, 2023 at 12:25 am
I am officially a school mom or as the ladies on the play ground like to call me school mum. I haven’t had the chance yet to tell them I am American and yet it feels weird to be called a school mum but also inviting. I feel truly like one of them, I am one of them now. I am no longer feel alienated into a different category of parenting. Expat parenting to be exact. I really thought I would be casted into it because that’s all I have experienced in the UK thus far. I usually get the initial stares, comments, looks, questions; like a monster with flashing lights on her head. I am sure by my accent its clear but no one treats me differently like I normally am treated. I am a school mom or mum just like them. All my fears of becoming a school mom have faded and my nonsense worries disappeared. I am relieved at this. I got myself worked up that I would I be labeled an outsider because I really still have no clue about the english school system, what’s expected in terms of uniforms and these split classes of reception or year one is mind boggling. And yet it seems I am not the only one for once, it’s an even playing field. Most of us are new to becoming a school mom there.
Becoming a school mom has been such a weird experience for me, where I am concentrating on making my son feel welcome and him making friends as much as I am doing the same for myself. It helps to make friends with other school moms so I can help B make friends. (not that he can’t on his own I hope). These parents and grandparents alike will be there every morning and every night for years to come so it’s only smart to play nicely. There are already clicks from the years above and others that know each other already from swimming or dance classes but I have been warmly accepted as a school mom mum and our new school life has officially started.
I didn’t think I would ever like being called mum but it keeps me grouped with everyone else which for once is a nice feeling. Any expat will tell you, we don’t want to lose our culture or identity i.e. being a mom but in this situation I am not the expat, the different one, I am just the first time school parent like most of them. The focus is on my new school boy and not me being from somewhere far away. We talk about how emotional it was letting them grow up and someone else be in control for once. We talk about how the kids are coping at home after school. I am sure it won’t always be roses and cherries but I like to think it’s a nice little community to be apart of for years to come. There hasn’t been a situation where I felt like an outsider as I have done so many times in jobs, play groups and even english group of friends.
Becoming a school mom, I have duties to fulfil and more responsibilities. I swear I am going to need a separate calendar for each child when MM starts school and for myself. There are so many dates to remember, and paperwork comes home in mounds, money for this and sign up for that. I think we are booked with after school and during the day classes between both my kids, every day into February. It’s not even Christmas time yet. It’s like I became my son’s PA overnight and the guilt of not having her brother at home to play with I have signed up MM for everything. Let’s see if I make it until Christmas. After saying all that I was excited for this part of becoming a school mum. I might even join the PTA but let’s not push it so far we are only in our third week of school.
I am getting used to remembering names, pe kits, backpacks, midday snacks and water bottles while also coping with having one less child at home and in someone else’s responsibility. So far we haven’t been late, yet, and trying to find our morning routines a little more smoother still needs work. It’s all new for us but we are finding our feet together as a family. It feels weird during the day to have only one child at home. Sometimes she looks so lost and I don’t know if that’s just me feeling it or if she really feels lost without her brother with us. We are finding our duo days filled with classes and to do’s to keep us busy.
The best part of my day is now the after school pickups. Where we reunite as a trio again with MM and B non-stop chattering about their separate days to each other. Neither would ever tell me what they did at school/nursery if I ask but they always seem to love to share every details with each other. I love their sibling bond. I was really worried at first, how it would affected MM when B started school. She didn’t take it lightly the first two weeks of dropping him off but she now understands he will always come back. If anything it has brought them closer together after being apart all day they truly are each other’s shadow. They run around playing all their favorite games and hugging and cuddling like the very best of friends.
I overheard this conversation today…
“MM did you miss me today?” B asked as they laid on the rug in the living room. “Yes, no go to school tomorrow,” shaking her finger in the air side to side, “play wit me”. MM replied. “I am playing with you now, you will be ok, no crying baby.” B gently told her. “Ok, brother, I not crying now.” MM said close to tears. “You are playing with me and tomorrow you have swimming and I have school so it will be ok and then you see me after school again, silly billy, ok?” B said, laughing at her and cuddling her. She accepted it with a smile and off they ran into the playhouse to play together. I love his long ranting sentences and logic lately. It’s hilarious to hear in person. He does it all in one breathe.
Their conversations get deeper and more silly as MM learns to talk more. I love listening to them when they think I am not there. These after school conversations and play times are our new ordinary moments, our new routines and we are loving it together, reunited. I hope they tell each other things that they may not share with me or Daddy for years to come. They have their own special connection and I am ever so grateful they have each other. It just makes after school every day these bittersweet moments like this where they are laughing and chatting, reunited on the rug of the living room. A simple but loving life together as siblings.
Becoming a school mom changed so much for me as much as it changed so much for the kids; together and individually. That’s what parenting is all about the growing and changing together. As parents we adapt to each milestone passed and each new stage taken in stride as we do our best as do the children. I look forward to our many school days ahead of us.
‘What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.’ – Mom/Mum, it’s the same really, and I’m so glad you feel accepted into the school circles! Life definitely gets busier with school doesn’t it? I already need two calendars for Hubby and I, a third and fourth will be added shortly I’m sure!
After school pickup is the best thing for me too, love LP and Little Man being reunited and I still miss LP so much that it’s lovely to see her again.
Your two are just the cutest! x
Thanks Donna so lovely of you to say and so true what is in a name? Nothing but more was using it for feeling like one of the group instead of the outsider like I normally am everywhere else. Glad your two love their reunions too. Its weird feeling to only have one at home.
It’s great you’re feeling part of the school mum gang. And it sounds like MM’s getting there with enjoying time without B there all the time with her.
Because I only drop off 2 days a week at normal time (and that’s shove him through the gate rather than hang around), and do one pick up, I feel a bit out of it. I’ve only met a couple of the new to me mums, the rest I’ve no idea about apart from those I already know. Thankfully it’s a small school and so everyone kind of gets to know everyone so it seems less cliquey than others can sound like.
Yes I am really glad ours is so small too and it definitely makes it easier to get to know more when you aren’t going and coming every day together as I have met a bunch of morning club or after school club moms in passing. I always try to make them feeling apart of it as it must be hard to get involved if you come earlier or later. Glad yours is going well.
Embrace being ‘Mum’ and all will be fine 😉 Seriously, I forget how hard it must be for you sometimes being an expat over here when it comes to stuff we’re used to (uniforms, names of different class levels etc). I would have no clue in the US what age ‘first grade’ is, and is Kindergarten reception age? Totally clueless! It’s funny, because where I live I’ve met 4 American Mums with kids the same age as mine at various groups and preschool in our neighbourhood. Now one of them is a Mum (Mom?!) of twins in Freddie’s year at school, and she’s lovely. If you ever tire of up north, then you should move to SE London, lots of expats here! 😉 x
I know everyone keeps saying that and I would love, LOVE to live down south if I could. It would be nice to have one american friend who gets it but so far never met one. 🙂 Glad there are a few and lovely where you are. Living through you instead. Yes I am definitely out of my league on what’s going on.
You would fit in here in Birmingham bab as we say Mom. Whenever I say Mum on my instagram or fb page someone always comments that I have said it wrong. I am finding it hard to fit in the playground as I’m a bit distracted in the mornings. There are parties coming up so I will chat at those but it is a really strange time isn’t it? One I am hoping gets easier as time goes by. Sigh. Growing up so fast x
I love that, moving to Birmingham right now. 🙂 I have been very distracted and feel like they think I am being rude hahaha
Jenny, your kids are too cute. I love the little conversation they had together. It must have melted your heart. Starting school is such an emotional rollercoaster for the child and the mum. My daughter started Reception last year, and it was so hard to let her go, but she had the most amazing teacher, and she loves school. It does get easier… trust me. And I totally get you about becoming your son’s PA. That is exactly how it is in my house. My kids have an in-tray for their mounds of artwork and paperwork that they bring home! #sharewithme
Me too, car conversations are the very best because they totally cut me out and I just listen to their nonsense chatter. It really is so much change at reception age isn’t it? Bless, we get past it though and see them on the next adventure.
Jenny, those pics of the kids on the rug are just gorgeous! Must be tough being an expat, but glad that this experience seems to have chucked all the barriers away! Hoping B has settled better into class now! Xx #sharewithme
He is doing better at school and we are sorting out his tummy issues with food so all is looking better. MM is still sick but on the mend and I hope to get rid of my own sickness soon too. Tis the season for it.
Love those photos of B and MM on the rug and that conversation is just so sweet. So glad that you feel so accepted into the school mum/mom community – there are so many different words that people use to label themselves as a mother that I really don’t see why it should make a difference anyway. So glad that B seems to be enjoying school and sounds like you are coping well with the transition and having to become his PA! It must be hard with your children starting on a different educational journey from the one you are used to and it can be easy for us “natives” to forget how difficult it can be sometimes for expats.
Thank you Louise, they are hilarious when they are just the two of them chatting away and don’t know anyone is around. I almost think they are even closer when it’s just them. together. I love watching their bond continue to grow.
The school years are still ahead of me, but like you I am an expat in this country and I don’t really know the schooling system. I guess I’ll have to learn.
You are definitely right that it’s worth making friends at the school gates. I hope you’ll find some lasting friendship there for you and your son.
Me too, I still need to learn myself and my son is in school. 🙂 I hope so too and for you in the coming years.
Thats so sweet! So cute and the pics as well! What a lovely big brother #sharewithme
Thank you so much Sarah, he is the best big brother I could ask for my littlest she is very lucky.
I actually enjoy being a school mum more than a baby / pre schooler mum. I too find it more inclusive and not quite as lonely. They sound so sweet together, Jenny xx #sharewithme
They are great together a tight team for sure. I am very blessed with that. It is great to finally get out of the house a lot more for school drop offs and pick ups. Takes getting used to though. lol I work from home so we are here alot when they were both little.
In my children’s school your accent would never be an issue anyway – there are children and parents from Thailand, Poland, England, Wales, China, Lithuania, France and more I have probably missed too. Glad it is going well #sharewithme
I would love that and it would be nice if there was more of an expat mixture up north as much as there is down south. Thank you.
Jenny I can’t actually believe you have been made to feel like an outsider in other circles. This makes me feel really sad and angry. On the positive I am really glad you are enjoying being a school mom. Us school moms (and dads) are all in it together, and often we have the same fears. One of my closest friends is from when our sons were in reception 9 years ago, so I am sure you will make some everlasting friendships x
Oh yes I haven’t had it easy at the beginning and may have even packed my bag once or twice because of it. But onward and upward with positive thinking helps. I think we really do have the same fears. I hope for long lasting friendships.
Becoming a school mum (or mom!) seems to be such a rite of passage. We’re not there yet but can only imagine the slew of emotions and thoughts that must come with it. I bet the after school pick ups are just the best. Thanks for hosting #sharewithme as always Jenny!
It really is a rite of passage isn’t it? But one we all must make and look forward to the adventures ahead that it brings us.
The bond between those two is just incredible 🙂 it must be so lovely to watch. Seems like you’re all doing well so far and hopefully your routine will improve with time. I don’t know why but I dread Lexie starting school… I must have just read so much negative things about playground politics that it’s clouding my mind! #sharewithme
Thank you Jodie, I think it’s really lucky that they get along so well and are each other’s best friends. Don’t get me wrong there is still pushing and crying on bad days they aren’t feeling well but that’s life. lol
You definitely joining a new gang when the kids start school!! You make more friends and being a mum suddenly becomes a really happy social thing. I’ve made more new friends over the past year!! Such a lovely post. Plus yeah, you do turn into a PA!! xx #sharewithme
I am finding that out and I love the happy social part of it all. lol I do feel a little like a taxi hahah But it’s going well. I hope to make long lasting friends too.
This is so cute, Jenny, especially the bit about your babies reuniting at the end of the day. I’m sorry to hear you’ve felt left out in other settings just because of your accent (which is lovely by the way!), but i’m glad to hear that has all changed with school. Have a lovely rest of term – it’s a lovely one with the Christmas celebrations to look forward to, especially the Nativity play! xx
Oh gosh I have gotten used to it but you would be surprised not all like a loud american around hahaha Makes you have stronger skin. I can’t wait for Christmas. lol I am one of those nuts yes.
What a totally adorable conversation you overheard and how sensitive and grown up is your little man that is fabulous.
The mom/mum thing really made me laugh as I am an EXPAT too but in Holland. I am definitely mum and not mama. But I will always be the different mum anyway because of the language. If you don’t speak confidently it is so difficult to fit in! Good luck finding your balance. I also find it difficult juggling swimming lessons, football, therapy, work, homework, play and family time. How do we do it??? #sharewithme
I love their conversations I keep saying I am going to set up a camera in the back of the car to record their funny chatter after school. It would make for some entertaining tv for sure. It’s tough when you have a very busy child social life isn’t it?
Bless. Their little conversation brought a tear to my eye. I felt like I was starting school again this time last year when the big one started! #sharewithme
Ahh thank you so much that’s so sweet of you. Glad you like them. They are becoming my favorite moments of the day. It’s great to see them reunite together.
Those little conversations are so sweet! I’ve got a few years to go before I become a school mum – it will be quite weird as I’m a school governor at the school M will go to (unless we move, of course), but you don’t really get to mix with parents that much.
Oh enjoy every moment of it hunny I feel like both of mine were just babies and now they are started school and nursery and MM school the following september. I don’t know where my babies have gone. 🙂
Aww, they’re so sweet! Glad school is going well, and you’re enjoying your new role. I’ve actually always wondered in a situation like yours, once they start school, will the kids still say ‘mom’, because you do, or will they change to ‘mum’ in line with other kids? I suspect that kids, because they are so adaptable, actually do both – will always say ‘mom’ at home but use ‘mum’ elsewhere. Be interesting to know, though. I lived in the States for a year as a teenager and had to switch to using an American pronunciation whenever I talked about my sister. She has a name that is said differently over there, and the other kids couldn’t cope with my English pronunciation of it! When I came home, I had to really concentrate to break the habit! #sharewithme
Thank you so much babes. It’s a new role for sure but I am embracing it. I love how positive it all seems as we are all in the same boat paddling together for our kids. My son still says Mom and always will in my house but that’s just because I want my identity and culture to stay and him to learn both ways of life so english from school and american from home. Oh yes the name game we call it we were careful what to name our kids. 🙂
Wowee! My mummy has all this to look forward too! Another couple of years yet though. We’ve heard it can by clicks at the gates with other mums. I hope you start to slot in and feel included x #Sharewithme x Thanks for hosting
Ahh she sure does and in the long run it’s a great positive rite of passage for us parents as much as it is for you little ones to starts school.
It’s such a big change isn’t it? And, the mountain of paper that comes home? With three in school I am now drowning in it! I have got used to the mum/mom thing. The kids alternate between the two and I don’t really mind anymore 🙂 Glad it’s all going well for you lovely, and those photos of your two on the rug are just gorgeous x
It really is a huge step in the rite of passage of parents and changes. But I am embracing it. Oh I can’t imagine three in school and all that paperwork like buying a house.
I’m so glad you’re starting to settle into your new role as school mum / mom. It’s such a huge transition, not just for the little ones, isn’t it, and I for one have completely under estimated how much work and how intense it all is. But we’ll get there! MM and B are so adorable together, their bond is just so lovely! I hope my kids will grow up with the same love for each other!
Thank you so much Isabella we are settling and it’s getting easier. I can’t say I haven’t forgot a thing of two on certain days already. My brain is in over load at the moment. Can’t wait for Christmas break. lol
Glad to hear you are making friends with some of the other parents. Up here in the North East we use mam instead of mum, so mum always sounds weird to me too! The relationship between MM and B sounds so sweet, I love that he reassures her 🙂 Thanks for hosting #sharewithme
Debbie
Thank you so much. Yes it helps to bond with a few and to have parents you can refer to and share when things go great or wrong. These will be the people I see twice a day weekly for years to come so it’s only smart to get to know them. B is an amazing brother I am very grateful for their bond.
To start, your children are absolutely beautiful. This was such a great message about motherhood and the many changing roles that come with it. While it has only been 17 months since I myself became a mom, it is incredible to look back and see how much it has changed me and how many new phases we have already experienced. It’s one wildly amazing ride =) #Sharewithme
Oh yes even from the moment you hold your first baby it changes you forever doesn’t it? Thank you so much for your lovely comment and compliments.
I’ve found myself feeling the odd one out in a lot of things, but being a new mum has opened up new groups and experiences.. I’m pleased to hear you feel you fit in more with the school mums. Maybe you’ll be in a clique next year.
It’s always lovely to hear about your children. I do wonder what you get up to away from them though. B sounds like a mini grown up, I’m sure the conversations they have will help one another learn. They sound like they have the best sibling relationship going. Thanks for hosting.
It’s hard when we first become parents as we are changing and meeting so many new other parents too so it’s a world different than when we are just individuals making friends on a night out for fun isn’t it? Or in college and at work? I think in time we find our way don’t we? B is a very old soul it tickles me sometime what he comes out with.
I can totally relate finding their school system here so much different from where we came from… but it’s just one of these things we need to adjust and get used to. Sibling love is adorable, isn’t it? my two kids are also the same, as soon as my little boy goes out of school, he would always give his little sister a cuddle and asked her if she missed him… Great post! #sharewithme
It is really confusing at times, I still haven’t wrapped my head around it. But going with the flow at the moment. My brain is too full of paperwork and meetings and assembly times at the moment. lol
B is a lucky little girl to have such a caring grown up big brother.
Its also a real shame that people outside of the school community have made you feel different, im glad your now meeting a group who are more inclusive. #sharewithme
Thank you Tracey, I am the lucky one to have them get along so well and be so close. I really won the lottery with that. Oh it only makes you have tougher skin but it’s not just one or two times it was a good two years solid of it so I am used to the different responses in what people think of Americans and our culture(Loudness). lol
MM loves her big brother for sure. She looks up to him so much. I am so glad he is so good with her.
I think everyone is prepared for their children to experience a bit of culture shock when they start school but not for themselves. It sounds like you are doing really well. Enjoy this next exciting stage in your family’s journey X #sharwithme
Ahhh their little convo is so sweet! My daughter would love her brothers to stay home from school & play with her too! It’s hard being an expat all right, you want to keep your culture but also want to fit in – for the kids sake too! #shareiwthme x
Ahh it’s just so different splitting them up isn’t it? Bless the littlest ones feeling left behind. Exactly I don’t think people understand that struggle between fitting in and not losing your own culture and identity too. It’s a hard balance to find.
Ahh your children are lovely! I still have 2 years until my daughter goes to school and iam worried already. I know a bit of what to expect as I was a teacher before having her but its absolutely not the same!
Iam glad your experience has been positive and iam glad your daughter isn’t missing her big-brother too much, it must be so confusing for her 🙂
#sharewithme
Oh don’t be it’s a big milestone but also so many things come from it new friends and circles and activities and milestones for the kids too. 🙂 MM is coping now. All children adapt don’t they? lol
Such a milestone for you, Jenny. I’m glad you’re treated with such support and acceptance. My daughter doesn’t official enter school until next year, but I can tell you, whether you’re across the pond in the UK or here in the US, your fear of being accepted is universal. Because I’m home with my daughter, there’s a sense of alienation here too. Thankfully, the kindness outweigh the alienation, and I’m glad you found the same over there. Congratulations on being a school mom/mum! Thanks for hosting us this week on #sharewithme! Have a great rest of the week!
Thank you Maria, it really is. I think that’s what makes us all on the same playing field isn’t it? A parental global feeling of our kids starting school.
Oh what a beautiful post! Bella misses Luka so much when he’s at school, in a way I cannot wait until she starts next year and they will be back together! But next year I will also enter a new territory- high school mum. How can this be happening?! I wish they could stay babies… x x
Ahh it’s tough when they always have siblings together with them and then it’s just silent. Bless her. Oh high school squeal!!!! I wish they could stay babies longer too. MM will be in school the year after so I will be empty nesting.
That is such a wonderful photo 🙂 Many of the UK mums don’t quite know the system, uniform rules or homework expectations as they vary from school to school and change so frequently … We learnt as we went along. Glad you’re settling into the school mum routine and finding friends though. Have a lovely week and thank you for hosting #sharewithme
Thank you so much lovely. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel so alien this time around everyone is in the same boat of not knowing what’s going on. lol We definitely can all learn together.
Becoming a School mum/mom definitely takes a while to get used to. I like the novelty to begin with – slightly wearing off now! I honestly don’t think you need to announce that you’re american Jenny – your accent speaks for itself! x
I would have thought so half of them by now have said they thought I was Irish, they aren’t the first to think so either. I go with the flow. I think it is a big novelty at first isn’t it? About the time it wears off MM will start. 🙂
That conversation you overheard between your two little ones is the sweetest thing. And so are those pictures of them together! You can just see how much they love each other . . . makes me want to have another baby right now! 😉 I’m glad to hear that you don’t feel like an outsider in your new group of school moms/mums. It’s so wonderful to be a part of a group of moms who are learning together. I’ve really enjoyed that aspect of being in play groups with other first-time moms like me. Have an amazing first school year!
I wish I could have recorded it. In fact I am trying to set it up so I can record some of their after school car conversations to share as they are amazing to listen to in person. They are adorable together. It’s fun having two.Thanks hunny.